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Johann Sebastian Bach

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Contact Details

jsb@deceased.com
+49 (0) 341 - 2 22 24-0

Education:
I was educated privately by my brother before being sent to the choir school in Lüneburg. He taught me all the basics of composition and clavier, violin and organ playing. Not being from an affluent family, I couldn't afford to go to university, but I don't think that this has affected my subsequent career. After all, Telemann had a university education, but that didn't make him a genius.

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Career:
After leaving the choir school, I became a court musician and menial servant at the court of Weimar. Eventually, I went on to hold positions in Arnstadt, Mulhausen, Weimer (again), Anhalt-Cöthen and, eventually, Leipsig. On the side, I picked a clutch of appointments from minor royalty. Apart from my time in Anhalt-Cöthen, I have always been employed in the service of the Lutheran church within the Germanic states.

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Special Interests:
Since childhood, most of my time has been spent playing and composing, so the opportunity for hobby activities has been severely limited. I have assiduously not helped Anna-Magadelena with house work and childcare, preferring to leave this to hired menials. However, I really do like writing letters of complaint to my superiors' superiors about the poor treatment I get on a daily basis adding, if suitable, that I wouldn't mind some lovely job with a good title that didn't involve much composing.

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Videos:
Although, in my closing years, my music was considered to be old-fashioned and difficult, there has been a considerable growth of interest in my compositions over the last couple of centuries. I am told that there are videos (that sounds like Latin gone wrong) on YouTube on something called the interweb. Here are a couple:


I wrote these little pieces when I was hoping to net a job from the Margrave of Brandenburg:

Similarly, this piece was intended to show off my dazzling pedal technique:

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Audios:
Some of my orchestral and choral works have been transcribed as organ pieces.
Here are a three of them. I'm quite sure that I don't have to tell you what they are.


 


 

 

 

 

 

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Images:
A number of images have been produced over the centuries.
Some, I'm sorry to say, seem to be based more on the imagination rather than reality.
Anyway, here are some of them:

 

I don't recognize the children. Are they supposed to be mine?

This one really worries me. The manuals are at a funny angle to the stop jambs, and the arrangement of black and white keys seems most unusual and unworkable.

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Conclusion:
If, by chance, you are hoping to employ a deceased specialist in Lutheran and most European music, my contact details are above. Please note that the telephone number is that of St Thomas's, so only use that for professional purposes. Otherwise, for private and personal matters, consult a medium or expert in astral/spiritual affairs.